November 9th, 2016, was the day I decided that I had to get political. This was the morning after the 2016 presidential election, where Donald Trump lost the popular vote by 2.86 million, but won the electoral college and so became our 45th president. While he is my president, I personally disagree with many of his statements, ideologies, and policies that he has sought to implement. To me, political involvement was no longer a matter of economics or viewpoint - human rights and lives were at stake. I began researching the electoral college and why it was established. I attended protests in my hometown city and at my state capital to advocate for the rights of refugees.
I realize that politics is a divisive subject. I realize that going on Facebook is far more comfortable when it is filled with puppies and family photos instead of Republican vs. Democrat ideologies. My intention has not been and never will be to shut others down; the beauty of the First Amendment is that it protects free speech of all opinions, not just those that I agree with. If you support Trump, I support your right to have and share your own opinion. However, I also am aware that my privilege due to my white skin gives me the ability to ignore some of the the challenges that people of color, minority groups, and the LGBTQ+ community face every day. I am aware that I have the opportunity to speak alongside - not for - those who face discrimination due to race, religion, and sexual orientation. I believe that the most important thing that I can do is provide love and hope and comfort for everyone, not just those who were born in America (Matthew 25:35-45). And so, I get political. I get political because I have this crazy idea that our Founding Fathers really intended for America to be a place where everyone could pursue life, liberty, and happiness. I get political because I know how lucky I am to be born in a country with a stable government, with free speech and press, with clean water, and opportunities for so many, and I believe everyone has the right to want the same things I was born into. I get political because I cannot look my children in the eye in 10 years and tell them that I did nothing when Nazis flooded the streets, when my president called Africa and Haiti s***holes, when those around me shared fake statistics about how immigrants cheat the system and Americans out of jobs. I get political because I have learned from history. I read about Nazi Germany and how 10 million Jews, homosexuals, disabled people, and other undesirables lost their lives because ordinary citizens were too afraid to speak up. I read about the Civil Rights Movement and how white people told Negros that they had nothing to protest about and that racism was a fact of life they just had to get used to. I read about activists and people who took a stand and wondered if I would have the courage to do the same thing, and I know that my actions now determine how I would have acted then. I get political because the leader of my country feeds into fears and stereotypes that tell people that immigrants are job stealers, that ESL students are less-than, and that refugees are terrorists when all evidence points to the contrary. I am watching Christians twist the Bible to justify hatred and I'm seeing people lose all compassion for anyone who wasn't born an American citizen. I get political because my country has red blood, white silence, and blue tears on its hands. I get political because our nation is not-so-free and way-less-beautiful with racism and hatred in its midst. I get political because I can no longer afford to stay silent; my silence is complicity, my complicity is guilt, and my guilt is my responsibility to be the change. Because of this, I get political.
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“Nothing in this world can be said to be certain, except for death and taxes” - Benjamin Franklin.
Not to step on the toes of a brilliant man, but I would argue that failure can also be added to this list. No matter how smart you are, how much talent or hard work or dedication or drive or motivation you have, or how much of your heart and soul you put into something, at some point, you are going to fail. Failure is, without a doubt, my biggest fear. (I also do not enjoy snakes, but that’s a different story). For as long as I can remember, I have been petrified of letting myself or others down. Because of that, I spent most of my life thinking that if a situation didn’t turn out perfectly that it meant I was a failure and that there was nothing redeemable about it. I didn’t run cross-country my freshman year because I was afraid I would be bad at it. When I played soccer, every time I got the ball, I panicked because I was so worried I would make a mistake. Even though I looked forward to being on staff at Gretna Glen for 7 years, I didn’t want to apply at first because I was worried I wouldn’t be a good counselor or staff member. I never auditioned for principal/feature in Dance Theatre - even though I really really really wanted to - because I was too afraid to look dumb for a few moments on stage at the audition. It took until my senior year of high school to start to re-define how I determined “success.” I can’t remember when or where I first heard about setting ABC goals, but they changed my mindset about everything from academics to athletics to my personal life. Essentially, the idea of the ABC goal system is to ensure that you walk away from anything - no matter how it goes - satisfied with some aspect of your performance. A “C” goal is a standard you know that you can achieve no matter what the circumstances are. A “B” goal is one that requires effort and is a stretch, but is definitely still attainable. The “A” goal is one that will happen with hard work, dedication, and a wish or three on a lucky star. To get cheesy, follow the quote Dream (A), Believe (B), Achieve (C). So what do ABC goals actually look like? For next semester, my A goals for myself include getting (literal) As in all of my classes, reading 16 books before the end of the semester, and working out three times a week. My B goals are to get a 3.9 GPA or higher, to read at least three times a week, and to exercise at least twice a week. If none of those happen, I'll go to plan C, which is to get a 3.5 GPA in order to keep my scholarship, read when I can, and to work out when I can. What I love the most about ABC goals is that they give wiggle room for both awesome and awful life circumstances. No matter what happens in my personal life, how difficult my classes are, or how many times I actually make it to the library, I can walk away from my semester feeling good about my efforts and achievements. Whether you're a perfectionist or someone who struggles to set goals because you're afraid you won't achieve them, the ABC system makes sure that you'll never fail (even if you don't 100% succeed). Have you ever had one of those days where you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, grumpy even though you got enough sleep or didn't hit snooze? Or maybe you've had a morning where everything annoys you, even though the conversations, lines at the dining hall, and people in your classes are the same as they always are? Because dude, same (and my bed is up against a wall, so waking up on the wrong side of it is quite the feat).
I have had people comment on my smile, positivity, and overall happiness level for years. I consider myself incredibly blessed to have resting nice face, which means my default facial expression tends to be smiling (if I'm nervous, I'm still probably smiling). However, I definitely have days/weeks/months where finding a reason to be happy is difficult and I struggle to reset my mood.* Here are a few of the steps that I go through to try to get my day back on track, even after getting into a funk. Do a check-in: Is there an easily identifiable reason that you're feeling blah (dehydrated, tired, overwhelmed)? Can you fix that (drink water, take a nap, prioritize or say no to something)? Process through things: Depending on your MBTI type, you'll have different ways of sorting through your emotions. As an ISFJ, I demonstrate extraverted feeling, which means I externally sort through what I'm feeling. I need to journal, phone a friend, or vent to my mom before I'm able to truly understand how I'm feeling. Whether you internally reflect or externally deflect your emotions, giving myself the time, space, and permission to do that is vital. Trust me - ignoring your feelings is so not the way to go. Encourage someone else: On some of my worst days last semester, I sat down at my desk and wrote a friend a letter or note of encouragement. Focusing on the little things about another person helped get my mind off of my own problems. (As a bonus, I messaged my friends' friends or family members to get their mailing addresses so it would be a surprise). If you're not into writing notes, take the time to call someone you haven't talked to in a while or to send a text to your best friend. Treat yo self: Grab a drink from Starbucks or your favorite coffee shop. Make a cup of tea in your dorm room. Buy the book you've had your eye on. Put on your favorite t-shirt, wear a nice dress, or do your makeup for no reason at all. Alternatively, put on fuzzy socks or pajama pants at 3 p.m., go to bed early, put homework on pause, watch the latest episode of whatever on Netflix. Randomly doodle. Eat some chocolate or fruit snacks or cereal. Give yourself permission to take a breath. Organize something (or everything): Maybe this is just me, but when I'm stressed, sad, or bored, I clean. Like, a lot. I love reorganizing dresser drawers, sorting through my desk, or doing something as simple as making my bed. Even if you're not super into cleaning, doing a "productive task" like laundry or washing dishes can make your space feel less cluttered, check something off your to-do list, and give your mind a break. Make lists: I think we've established that I'm a little bit quirky when it comes to being organized, but one of the top sources of stress for me comes from being overwhelmed by everything I have to do. Taking a minute to sit down and write out everything I'm worried about or need to get done (and then figuring out a way to accomplish that) is super helpful. Making a list also lets you see that some of the big things can be pushed off until later or aren't as intimidating as you thought. Count blessings, not problems: Corny? Yes. Helpful? Yup yup. Take 60 seconds and write as many things that you are thankful for as you can. Make a list of all the people in your life who make things a little bit better. Think about all of the little things that make you happy (drawing, reading, writing, Jesus, family, cute kids, coffee) and see if there's one or two you can do at that moment to help make the day better. Do a happiness challenge: Last semester, my aunt died unexpectedly 3 days after I got to college. One of my friends suggested that I do the #100HappyDays challenge on Instagram, so I tried it out. Basically, I posted a picture every single day for 100 days of something in that day that made me happy. (If you're not into Instagram, a gratitude journal works really well!) 2 days into the challenge I ended up in the ER with a stomach bug on the first night of classes, 2 weeks later my friend's mom died, the next week a high school classmate passed away, and I dealt with some difficult friend situations ... all before day 50. Trust me, I know not every day is a happy one. However, forcing myself to find something happy that was as small as a plant in my room, changing leaves during the fall, or a beautiful sunset was so incredibly helpful. Get on (or off) social media: Pinterest is my go-to happiness site. I look up cheesy quotes, read through MBTI information, find new books to read, or type in "Hamilton funny" - trust me, that's great for laughs. However, scrolling through Instagram and seeing everybody's highlights makes me feel even worse about my own "down day." Pick your battles, know yourself, and decide whether you should turn off your phone. Listen to music: If you have a favorite song, artist, or album, put it on. Listen to a happy station on Pandora or Spotify, turn on the radio in the car, or pull out an instrument and make your own music. (Bethel Music and Sleeping at Last are two of my go-to's; I typically joke to friends that if Hamilton can't cheer me up, then something is seriously wrong). Exercise and/or spend time outside: You don't have to go for a 90 minute run or lift 200lbs to use endorphins to boost your mood. Take a walk around campus, do some yoga in your dorm room. (Be mindful of the fact that there is such a thing as exercising too much and that using exercise to manipulate your mood can lead to controlling or obsessive behavior). If exercising to improve your mood isn't healthy for you, find some nature and get into it. There's a pond by the chapel on Ithaca's campus and it's the first place I go if I need some peace and quiet (and it almost always cheers me up a bit). Take time to connect with something or someone: If you're having a difficult day, it can be tough to reach out and lean on someone else. If you can't bring yourself to lean on someone human, take the time to connect with something less temporary. The peace I have found in Christ is so indescribable and His acceptance of me, even at my most broken moments, is incredible. Prayer and meditation are two wonderful ways to bring some calm into crazy situations. Give yourself grace: As much as I'd love to say I have this happiness thing on lock, I still struggle with this and tend to beat myself up if I'm not feeling happy. Hormones, school and life stress, pain and loss, and other factors outside of our control happen and can make life really, really difficult. If that is the case, it is completely fine. Sometimes, the best way to have a great day is to give yourself permission to have a good cry and remember that tomorrow (and the next day and the next day) is a new day <3 *Disclaimer: I both recognize and respect that there is a huge difference between waking up on the wrong side of the bed and waking up with a mental illness. I do not want to trivialize or explain away the struggles of someone suffering from anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, or anything else. Happiness is not always a choice and may require counseling or medication to obtain. If you're struggling, please please please reach out to those around you to seek help and support <3* During the summer of 2017, I was lucky enough to be on staff at Gretna Glen, the camp I've been going to since before middle school and where I first became a Christian. It was absolutely the best way I could have chosen to spend the summer and I grew so much as a person, friend, daughter, and Christian. I'm so blessed to be able to go back again this summer and, since I haven't written anything in a while, I thought I'd write up some of the things I wish I would have known going into last summer :)
What you should know:
What you'll learn:
Tips for new counselors:
What to pack:
I have always been a person who thrives on being busy. This semester, I'm taking 17 credits, doing both a group and an individual service project, playing in orchestra, participating in the Protestant Community, copy editing for The Ithacan, reporting on an ICTV show, and hopefully making to ICircus as much as possible.
While I'm super excited for everything that I have going on, I am well aware of the fact that it is so easy to let things slip through the cracks while I'm moving between classes and extracurriculars ... and I think we can all agree that one of the worst feelings is looking at your watch and realizing you should have been somewhere an hour ago. With all that said, here are some of the tools I use to attempt to stay on top of things to avoid that moment of panic. Use a calendar. At the end of last semester, I sat down and put every class/time/location, random life events, and meetings into my phone calendar and set reminders for 10 minutes before each one. I also added important due dates with reminders the week and the day before I had to turn them in. While I'm fairly sure that I'll remember all of those things without a reminder, I never know when my brain will blank out (the only time I forgot a class was on the last Wednesday of the semester, and the alert from my calendar saved my butt on that one). Use a planner. I just bought my second Erin Condren planner and I love it! While it's on the pricey side, it is super high quality and makes staying organized that much more fun. (If you need something cheaper, Michael's has similar style planners). I use my paper planner specifically for school and write down every single assignment, due date, exam, and project I have. Use stickies. While I love the paper notes, I'm actually talking about the sticky note application on my computer. I have 4 running notes at all times: "semester goals," "to-do today," "to-do this week," and "to-do eventually." These get filled with little reminders to myself to write so-and-so a note, ask a friend about something, or send an email to a professor or high school teacher. This is super helpful during classes when my brain suddenly remembers ten different things I have to get done. Write paper lists. Technology is great until it crashes, dies, or isn't accessible. I have sticky notes, mini notebooks, and different notepads sitting on my desk that I use to keep track of looming tasks or little things that need to get done (bonus points if they end up color coded). Get a whiteboard. I have a weekly calendar whiteboard on my desk with color-coded markers and a key attached. I put any big due dates, all of my activities, and a daily goal into each day. Excessive? Maybe. However, it's a great way to see everything all at once and makes sure that I'm on top of everything. Check your school email. I check mine at least five times a day, but figure out what works for you. Pro tip: definitely check it before classes, especially in the morning. I was running super behind and ran around like a crazy person to be ready for my 9 a.m., on Trello. Trello is a website I just recently started using that is awesome. It's a combination between Stickies, Pinterest, and a planner and also has an app that automatically syncs with anything I update on the website. It's perfect for everything from shopping lists to school assignments and is yet another way to make sure I'm remembering what I need to. Hi, my name is Liz and I am a person who strives for perfection. I want to be the best student, daughter, friend, athlete, and sibling possible. I want to be the do-it-all girl with great abs, white teeth, and flawless skin. I want to be patient but driven, honest but supportive, strong but vulnerable, and a whole other list of contradictory adjectives. For the last 5 years, I've spent New Year's Eve writing page-long lists of the ways that I can become as close to perfect as possible, trying to ignore the small voice at the back of my mind telling me that it's so likely that I'll fail.
This year, I spent the days leading up to January 1st reflecting, praying, journaling, and trying to come up with the best possible resolution. Instead of a page or paragraph or sentence, I came up with one simple word: kind. I want to be as kind to others as possible, even in the really difficult moments. I want to take the time to really listen when I ask someone how they are. I want to spend the money to pay for someone else's coffee. I want to hear someone else's opinion without shutting them down, even if I don't agree with it. I want to show love to anyone and everyone, even if I don't agree with or understand everything about them. I want to be as kind to myself as possible, even in the really difficult moments. I want to look in the mirror with nothing but respect for the reflection that is there. I want to drink water and eat nutritious food and exercise without feeling guilty if I want to eat dessert too. I want to read books and play music and spend time praying or meditating or journaling or just sitting in silence without scrambling to check off a box on my to-do list. Kind is an intention I know I won't demonstrate all of the time. I'll have human moments filled with frustration or selfishness or pride or any other combination of emotions that I know shouldn't be there but still are. I'll get irritated or sad and forget to love on other people. In those moments, I want to be kind to myself even when I'm not kind at all, reminding myself that there is space for grace in any situation. Then, I'll get right back to trying to love other people with my flawed but forgiven heart. Do you have a resolution for 2018? How do you stay on track with your goals? |
LizWriting, running, reading, and keeping it real along the way. Archives
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